As I look back on the past 5 years of my life I find it interesting how I came to fall in love with theology. That is probably not the right way to say that, I believe that through this journey I have finally fallen in love with God.
I grew up in the church and participation in church activities has always been a part of who I am. I must say that this post is in no way saying that I do not think that those people who guided and shaped me when I was younger did not communicate the gospel or God's love. I have had the amazing opportunity to have many amazing pastors, youth pastors, mentors, and friends who have helped me along this journey.
But, after high school I don't think that I was prepared to be a Christian in the real world. Through my time in the church, from childhood through high school, I had been given answers to questions and a vocabulary that, because I was now on my own, fell short in my searching and desire for God. I know that I am not the only one with this type of experience and I am also aware that there are many people who have not had this struggle. I am not looking to place blame but I am simply admitting that I needed more. This dissatisfaction has much more to do with me than anything else.
One of the most amazing times in my life was my time at Bethel University. I was thrust into a world of people who were searching for, and questioning God. In this environment I became alive. I found that I have an unquenchable desire to know God, to ask challenging questions, and try to find the answers to them. Through the task of theology I was encountered by a God who encouraged my seeking and who was always bigger than my answers. For me, this quest was about more than the questions and, probably, about more than the answers. It was about the pursuit of God. I now see theology as a spiritual discipline, searching for God is how I love God and is how I feel loved by God.
My second semester, I took a class on the theology of Dietrich Bonhoeffer and Karl Barth. This class has forever changed my life. The radical Christ-centered nature of these theologians was what I had been searching for. At that time I also began to read theological blogs. One post that really helped me was one by W. Travis McMaken on how to approach the reading of Barth. So, You Want to Read Barth, was very helpful as I began to working on my own study of Barth. I encourage any of you who are interested in reading Barth to check out this post and, Dr. McMaken's blog, for that matter.
In a very real way theology helped me fall in love with God in a way that I could have never imagined. May you know that God is bigger than your questions and that those questions that you have may in fact lead you into a very powerful relationship with your creator. Keep asking, seeking, and knocking because the door will be opened to you...but you might have to push or pull on it sometimes. My journey has not been easy, and at times it has been painful, but it has been worth it.
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